the break ups

okay i am so sad over the fact that two of my friends broke up with their gf/bf. joshua and anita. joshua said,' omg that girl.she played my heart.' and now i am finding out what happened to anita. okay and now i think i am breaking up with my candyman thinking. honestly,i feel quite empty and sad. but, you're right.what's the point of thinking and loving that jerk/bastard/coward/gay that doesn't deserve it at all? he deserves my slapping more. am i right? i am sure i am. wadeva. now i am trying to get him over. getting myself busy works relatively well. :]] i will tell you what i wished just just yesterday before th fucking slapping incident took place.
i hoped that we can see each other without having to pretend as stranger.
i hoped he can smile at me every morning and send me to school.
i hoped he can give me good night and sweet dream wishes before i go to sleep.
i hoped he can give me good luck wish before i sit for my exam.
i hoped i can chat with him everyday without having him to give fake name.
i hoped i can do webcam with him just like how mel and i do.
i hoped i can sms him whenever i feel bored and lonely
i hoped we can go out at saturday afternoon and enjoy our day together
i hoped we can take photos together and went into the neoprint box.
i hoped he can advise me and encourage me whenever i need them.
i hoped i can receive morning messages/calls/smiles from him
i hoped everything is not just in my dreams.
i hoped everything was true and real.
i hoped i know where he is and what he is doing.
i hoped to receive calls from him and chat for hours.
i hoped i don't get that cold feeling and get the warmth instead.
i hoped i can spill everything to him not anyone else.
i hoped to see his encouraging smiles and touch my head saying that everything will be alright
i hoped he can hug me and calm me down.
i hoped i had him as someone to share my sadness over the splitting of 2e3.
i hoped he never say that oh-so-immoral words.
i hoped i never slapped him before.
i hoped alot.
i hoped just as high as the sky.
but you know, when i fall, its vry painful.
now, you know what?
i am glad that everything is how they are today.
i am glad that what i hoped didnt come true.
cz he is just a jerk.
ohmygod he is a gay. cz he didnt dare to face me. he lied to me. and faked everything. even his identity.
boy, you know what? you are just a piece of b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t,bullshit to me.
and i will never never think abt you any any more.
i will not denied on anything that i've said earlier on.
cz firstly,i am candies. i am not gay like you. i dare to face the reality and i end evry problem to the root of it.
dont leave anything hanging. cz the image on you that you left on yourselves, spoils your impression on me.
and secondly, no matter what, you are part of my life. you made me feel happy before.you made me feel excited before. you made me feel nervous before. you made me feel like ordering tonnes of oxygen tanks before. i appreciate that alot. but too bad, that's pieces of old,torn bad sad memories. you are you now. not more candyman. and i am me now. not more monkeygirl. bye gay boy! and now i welcome TEBs