Up to you :)

Hey you can choose not to read this post.

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I'm not forgetting everything, erasing my previous posts about him, or deleting memories that i had w/ him. No matter what, he has been part of my life, once. He brought me excitement, curiousity, butterflies (as in the stomach butterflies), bravery and also disappointment, sadness, uncertainty, sacrifices and a lot more. So, as i said, life is short, there's no time to turn back.

I used to wonder. Can time just slow down abit, or can we have the speed of time under our control? But i realise, that's a childish thought. Time will never slow down, and the moment it passed, it will never come back. So i think, why look back? The pasts may be beautiful, but i can work for an even more beautiful future.

I'm an idiot if i continue sitting here, and as usual, scrolling up and down, waiting for something which is as almost impossible as a miracle to happen. But i'm more idiotic, if i just say it but never try to do it. Its always easier said than done. I'm going to show myself, that i can do it.

I was thinking, what shall i do to make things clearer, how to phrase my words, how to response to everything he answer? But i guess its unnecessary now. I mean, everything is so obvious. He made it so clear, but i was too afraid to admit. I'm scared of the reality, that comes harshly, without giving me space to breath.

But Sherly, somehow opened my eyes. With simple phrase and acceptable reason, she made me think; think of these matter thoroughly. How i wasted my tears crying for unnecessary reasons, How i wasted my energy thinking of every single possibilities. Its crazy. It has never crossed my mind, that i can be so, so controlled. Its freakish.

I should've moved on since a few months back. I should've realised the outcome. I should've stopped trying. I should've stop disgracing myself in front of everything. I should've not known him at all. I told myself that, but someone said; Its no longer necessary. All your regrets. They already happened. I'd rather you work out something to get over it than crying over spilled milk. Its true.

I have to stop torturing myself. I can't blame him because he has done nothing. I think too much. He's not wrong. He did what he thought was right. Its me. I am childish. Yes, you're right. I shouldn't got mad when you said that, because i really am. c h i l d i s h

But well, i shall thank him too. W/o him, i may have not grow up yet. I may have not reviewed so much, and maybe my mind isn't this wide. Idk how to intepret wide, but, just wide okay. He made me smile, felt touched and everything and i thanked him for that. And each time i cried for him, idk if its true, but i felt stronger. I got the thought that; he's always like that, its nothing.

Agnes said i changed since i knew him. Haha obviously. He brought such a huge impact in my life. In a millisecond, he can made the sad Candies laughing like mad. And the reverse is true. I may lose one 'topic' w/ my friends to talk about, but let's look at the bright side, he will sneeze lesser Haha. Right.

I'm not somebody else. I will try my best get over this soon and be normal again. And that one last cry shall be remain entitled as my one last cry. :)