Journal de la vie extraordinaire

I wonder why I can't stop comparing and maybe...be thankful for what I have and who I am. Why do I keep feeling like a failure and disappointment and I know I can't feel that way because I will be very disheartened. I hate to disappoint people you know that esp when hopes are shattered because I don't put my effort in it and they know I can do better.
I haven't been getting good grades lately. Not lately, it has been awhile. I still remember how I was the top few back then. But now those ranking and almost-perfect grades are like a fantasy. Honestly I would do anything to get that back. I know I can do better but what is stopping me from getting good grades? I feel so, downcasted. Why don't I want to sharpen my capability and intelligence to excel. This fifteen years of my life, I haven't do something magnificent and astounding to be proud of. Well not only from my academic sphere but also something else, something different from any other people have. The one that can constantly spur myself to climb higher :)

I have been thinking a lot during my self-declared holiday. And really, maybe I need a change and improve. Like development, there's always room for improvement in life. And you, no way you're worth my future.