Journal de la vie extraordinaire

I was supposed to feel happy and excited today. cz today is tuesday hello. but i am feeling kinda screwed today.

Firstly is obviously because there are two tests tmr. Chem and Amaths. you can clap. And secondly, (honestly, idk how to phrase this but well) i've been getting this signs and funny attitudes from you. I dono if i'm being paranoid or its just the truth. I'm sensitive for this matter and yes, you know i dont want to screw my friendship. I felt betrayed. not exactly betrayed. maybe backstabbed. not exactly also. this is the matter of feeling. no one can force feelings. that's why i can't exactly say you backstabbed me cz first, its not your fault to feel that way. and secondly, i'm not sure if what i suspected was right but even if its not, its kinda obvious luh.

I feel very uneasy. like out of sudden, tears can roll down just like that. i waited for the bus for quite long aft choir. i began to think. are both of you even worth my thoughts. and why am i so concerned about this matter. or do i even deserve your love and care. i know if the worst happen, i will lose you both. I don't want that. and i am totally clueless. idk how to tell you to stop being that way, or you can just tell me if that's what you're feeling. I've experienced this before. I dont want it to happen for the second time.

I shouldn't have let this happen. Let alone that feeling, i can even break my friendship. I think we've gone too far. and idk wassup with you. i'm not saying that what i feel is completely true. but, you're just making it too obvious. and why do you even have the heart to do that to me?

god, can you just let me be happy for this matter. im sick of the same old thing. im serious or maybe you can just take away this kind of feeling so i'll never feel that way. i'd rather be heartless than crying non-stop for sth that's still blur in picture. and when my vision blurred, i can see you two....nevermind. Its too painful.

For you guys that know what i'm talking about, i think you guys will think that i'm too egoistic. i know that. (i wish i can just type everything out) but when you love someone that much, you wouldn't want to let him/her go just like that.

I know my english isn't perfect but whatever. at least i get to spill everything out.
Bottom line,
It hurts so much