rule the game

Hey I just broke down. Idk why. We talked about o's and I was just warned that we're going to be pushed even harder and we won't even have time to complain. I'm so stressed and depressed. Idk. I feel so idiotic. Its already two weeks and I'm still horrified by the fact that I'm taking O level this year

I can't take it. I can't take the burden. I'm sick of the unstoppable warning and disgusting facts. People are giving me different opinions and point of views. Which one should I listen to. Now I know how hard it is to make a decision, a tough decision.

I can't take it when I feel so fragile at times and I broke down. And I felt so ashamed bcz I broke down for this kind of thing. You know, its like giving up before the battle.

Everyone is talking abt o. And everyone is considering whether they should drop science. And busy going for open houses. Damn it okay I'm so sick of this but its only freaking the start but I am alrd frightened. What am I.

I feel like slapping myself. I feel so robotic. All I do is revise study and cry. Why. I know this is only a small step to the next phase but I feel insecureee. I know I can't avoid this and I have to try to accept the fact that I'm among the batch that will take that 'exam' this year. I could see it coming.

Now what should I do. What. I've got so much to worry, I've got to manage the homesick feelings, catch up with syllabuses, and sth stucked up matters. I still can't help but feeling homesick at times. When I miss Mom so much that I just, you know.

I don't have time to think of anything else except for O,O, and O. But everything seems to get in my way. I thought I already got the hang of things, but whatever.

I'm going to talk to someone and I know who. This talented person can calm me down. I hope so.

Places and circumstances can't guarantee happiness. What really matters is what happen in us, not to us.
But at time like this when you feel clueless and hopeless, does that saying still apllies?

Why does life has to be so cruel. I haven't learned much, afterall.