When nothing seems valuable anymore

I'm speechless.
I just came home, and received a devastating news. God, even until now i still can't believe it. It was something i never expect. Just yesterday i saw him, and today...

How can such cruel thing happen to a nice and good girl like Jess? I mean, she's my friend and i know how fragile and vulnerable she is. Even small things like, being scolded by my guardian can make her cry, what about this? I don't know how. I haven't seen her since, because she had depart to see him, for the last time.

I feel so sorry. Its more than sorry. I know how she feels. Losing someone so precious and important and mean almost everything to her. Although i'm not too close to him, i felt really terrible for his departure.

I always told myself to look at the bright side of things, but in this case, they aren't anything to learn from. The pain, the sorrow, the lost, the regrets. I don't know. Even i can't take it, what about Jess? She's too weak for this. Its too soon, for a just grown up girl like her. God, why do you take him away from her so soon? She still needs his love, his guidance, his care and concern, and most importantly, his support to carry on.

I don't dare to call her. I don't even know if she's still able to pick up my phonecall. I can't put myself in her shoes, its totally unexpected. I still can't digest the fact.

Tell her to be strong, tell her everything's going to be alright, tell her she's going to make it, tell her whatever i can now. But do they even help? Its far worser than failing Amaths test, screwing up Chem Spa, or whatever. I'd rather i fail all the test in the world, than suffering from this.

She still have two younger siblings and her studies in Singapore is not completed. I can't imagine what's her next step after this. I hope she changes to be a tougher girl. But honestly its a fat hope. I don't know. She's such an amazing friend, and i feel for her.

Its worse than losing pepper. Its worse than losing contact with pepper. Its worse than the cold war with pepper. Idk, i can even afford a mere hope. Life's too cruel.

And may you rest in peace